Harley and Ivy: Mistah J's back
by Jake7901
Summary: Harley is happy with her new life, living with Ivy. Until she gets a letter from the Joker telling her that he is planning to break out of Arkham again and when he does, he will come after Harley. Ivy is ready for the Joker to come, Harley is worried sick. Will Harley's old obsession finally get the best of her? Please read and review


Ivy came out of her greenhouse and saw two big duffle bags by the front door. She walked over and opened them to look inside. One was full of guns, the other was full of red and black clothes. Harley walked in with a third bag.

"Are we going somewhere?" Ivy asked.

"No" Harley said " _we_ ain't goin' anywhere, but _I_ am."

"What?" Ivy asked.

"Something's come up that makes it unsafe for ya if I'm here" Harley said.

"What are you talking about?" Ivy asked.

"I left the letter on the table with a note on it. I was hopin' I could leave without ya catching me" Harley said "I hate goodbyes."

"Harl, I don't want you to leave" Ivy said "what danger am I in?"

"Wait here" Harley said.

She left the room and came back with a letter and said "it's from Arkham."

"Did they put a warrant out for you?" Ivy asked.

"Worse" Harley said.

"Both of us?" Ivy asked.

"Just read it" Harley said.

Ivy looked at the paper and read "Harley Gal, the quacks in the infirmary finally found a way to dissolve those vines off of my bones. I can already move my arms that is how I'm writing this. I'll be good as new soon. I'll be up and breaking out in no time. See you soon, Mister J." **(1)**

"I gotta go Red" Harley said "if he comes after me, it's my business. If he hurts you 'cause of me. I'll nevah forgive myself."

"Harleen Francis Quinzell" Ivy said sternly "stop that talk. We've beaten him before and we'll do it again!"

"Red. He'll be real mad this time" Harley said "I should go."

"Harley you're not going anywhere" Ivy said.

"Red I know we can take 'im, but ya know sometimes just seeing him is enough for him to burrow into my head. I hate him Red, we both know that. We also both know deep down I'll always love him, I can't help it."

"I know" Ivy said "that's why you need me to keep you sane, well as sane as _you_ can be anyway."

Harley smiled slightly.

"Just stay here" Ivy said "we'll handle it together."

"He won't fall for the same thing twice" Harley said.

"Then we'll fill him so full of poison and bullets they won't know what to do with him" Ivy said.

"Ok Red" Harley said "I'll stay."

The next few days, Harley was a nervous wreck. She was constantly looking out the window or making sure her revolver was loaded and ready. After a week, Ivy couldn't take it anymore.

She sat on the couch and said "Harl, come watch TV."

"I don't wanna let my guard down" Harley said "he could break out at any time."

"You can't live your life like this" Ivy said "come relax for a few minutes."

"Ok, fine" Harley said.

Harley walked over and sat down next to her. Ivy turned the TV on and found a cartoon channel. Harley began to relax slightly and giggle at the cartoons.

Suddenly, the cartoon was interrupted and a news broadcaster appeared and said "we apologize for the interruption. The Joker has broken out of Arkham Asylum. People are urged to stay indoors. If you have any information on The Joker or his whereabouts contact the GCPD immediately."

Ivy looked at Harley and saw something she hadn't seen in a long time. Genuine fear in Harley's eyes.

"Harl, it's ok" she said.

"He'll come Red" Harley said "he'll get his lackeys and come here right away."

She drew her revolver and walked towards the door.

"Harley, where are you going?" Ivy asked.

"I'm not gonna let him shoot up this house. He's comin' and I'm gonna meet him outside" Harley said.

Ivy stood up and walked out with her and said "you're not going alone."

They waited outside the house. Ivy doubted the Joker would come that night. She knew he would come, but it was too soon. He would need to rest. But an hour later, the Joker and his henchmen approached from the city. Harley and Ivy were both glaring at him. As he approached, Ivy saw his evil smile.

"Hiya Pooh" he said "say goodbye to the plant lady and let's go home."

Ivy looked at Harley and saw an unnatural grin spread across her face, insanity flashed in her blue eyes and she squealed with glee and said "Puddin'!"

She started to run towards him. Suddenly roots came from the ground and wrapped around her, pinning her arms to her sides and her legs together and holding her in place.

She squirmed and said "lemme go!"

"Sorry Harley" Ivy said "this is for your own good."

She stepped towards the Joker and yelled "she's staying with me! Get out of here!"

"Why don't you let her decide?" The Joker asked.

Harley managed to point her revolver at one of the roots and shot it, causing the root to release her.

She ran to the Joker, jumped into his arms and said "Puddin'! I missed ya!"

The Joker set her down and pushed her back slightly smiling at her. Suddenly he glared at her and backhanded her, knocking her down.

"You let that plant bitch attack me!" He yelled. He kicked her and yelled "and you never came to break me out!" He kicked her again.

"Please Puddin'!" Harley said "I'm sorry!"

"Not yet you're not" he said "but you will be."

He kicked her in the stomach twice.

"Take care of her, but don't kill her and no guns" he said as he stepped on her and approached Ivy.

The henchmen began to kick and beat Harley as the Joker laughed.

"Harley belongs to me" he said "thanks to you, she will have to be punished and taught who she belongs to."

Suddenly, gunshots rang out.

The Joker stopped and said "I said no gu-"

He stopped when he saw three of his henchmen dead and the rest running away. His mouth fell open as Harley stood up clutching her revolver.

"Ya did it again!" she yelled as she approached him "ya got back into my head! Ya somehow manage to get past my hatred over and over!"

"I'm the only family type thing you've got" the Joker said "you may hate me, but you're stuck with me. Don't worry, I'll beat you into submission again after the grownups finish talking."

"You ain't all I got" Harley said as she kept slowly walking towards him "I got Red. We argue and I screw up, but she don't beat me. She nevah threw me out a window, she nevah decided that I just didn't need to eat for a few days, she don't lock me in a closet. She don't beat me until I can barely move because she had a bad day. She nevah hurt my legs and left me behind to get caught so she could get away from the cops or Bats. Ya did all that crap on a regular basis! She's a sistah to me. When I get sick, she takes care of me. When I have nightmares about your beatings and your damn ugly face, she holds me and comforts me and helps make the nightmares go away. When I cry, she tries to make me smile and feel bettah. She says thank you and tells me when I do good! Ya nevah did any of that! No matter how many times I ran back to ya, she nevah gave up on me. Every time ya beat me, she nursed me back to health. Red is my best friend, my sistah and who I wanna live with. Ya said to let me chose. I chose Red. Now for once in your life will ya let me make my own decision an' be happy?"

He backhanded her and said "NO! You will be mine! Even if it means spending the rest of your life in chains!"

"Over my dead body!" Ivy yelled as she grabbed him by the collar and punched him as hard as she could.

Harley grabbed his shoulder, spun him around and punched him in the throat. She grabbed his shoulders and head butted him in the face, breaking his nose and knocking two of his teeth out and knocking him down. She opened the chambers on her revolver and made sure she had a bullet left. She closed the chamber and pulled the hammer back. She grabbed him by his collar and pulled him to his feet.

She pulled the KABAR out of her boot and threw it at his feet and said "pick it up so I can claim self-defense."

He just laughed and asked "how stupid do you think I am?"

"Dumb enough to stare at me this whole time" Harley said.

Suddenly, vines wrapped around his body and thorns shot into his flesh. The thorns were about to start pumping poison into his body, when Batman arrived.

"I'll take it from here" he said.

"I'm startin' to think we do most a' the work for ya" Harley said.

"Go home" Batman said "let me handle this."

"We are home" Ivy said "get off my property."

Batman suppressed a smile as he dragged the joker away, still in the vines.

He looked at the dead henchmen and asked "what happened to them?"

"Self-defense" Harley said as she put her revolver in its holster.

She lifted her shirt and showed him the bruises.

"Very well" Batman said as he left with the Joker.

"I'll get you next time!" The Joker yelled "you still want me!"

Ivy stepped between Harley and the Joker until they were out of sight. When they were gone, Ivy turned and faced Harley.

Harley walked over to her and said "Red, I…I…he…I'm-"

Ivy pulled her into a tight embrace and said "shh, it's ok."

Harley returned the embrace and began crying as she said "I'm so sorry Red. I…I didn't wanna go with him. My mind just gets fuzzy and stupid sometimes when I see 'im. I…I nevah want to leave ya again. Please don't be mad at…at me Red. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please don't throw me out!"

"Shush now" Ivy said "I'm not mad at you Harl."

Harley looked up, her blue eyes meeting Ivy's green ones.

"Really?" She asked "ya ain't mad?"

"No" Ivy said "I know you can't help it. Come on, let's go check those bruises and make sure you're ok."

"Ok" Harley said.

Once they got inside, Ivy took her to the kitchen and sat her down. She began to check the bruises and look for cuts or other injuries.

"Can I ask you something?" Ivy asked.

"Ya can ask me anything" Harley said "y'know that."

"What made you snap out of it?" Ivy asked.

"Honestly" Harley said "while the henchmen were beatin' me, I glanced over and saw him approaching ya and reaching for his knife and I suddenly thought about the hundreds of time he beat me and threw me out. Every time he did and I came to ya, ya welcomed me with open arms. Then I remembered that you've hit me a few times and we've fought, but you always apologize later. Even when it was my fault, you apologized for hurtin' me. He nevah apologized once. Those thoughts let the anger and hatred break through the fog in my mind. So I guess, you made me snap out of it."

"Well, I'm glad" Ivy said.

"Me too" Harley said.

"Looks like you're ok" Ivy said "just bruises."

"Thanks" Harley said.

"Now" Ivy said "how about we go get some ice cream?"

"Ok" Harley said smiling "let me reload my revolver real quick."

"OK" Ivy said.

Harley walked to her room as she drew her revolver. Ivy followed and watched her from the doorway. Harley opened the chambers and dumped the empty shells, she took the one remaining bullet out and set it on her dresser. She put six fresh bullets in her revolver and put it back in the holster.

"Ready?" Ivy asked.

"Yup" Harley said.

"Why did you save that bullet?" Ivy asked.

"That one's for the Joker" Harley said "it goes right between his eyes."

"That's my Harl" Ivy said smiling "go start your motorcycle, you're driving."

"Can do" Harley said smiling as she skipped out of the room.

 **(1)** Reference to 'Harley and Ivy: The Joker's Return'


End file.
